He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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