Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
