My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
