I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
