sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
