you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
