I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
