Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
