Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize