i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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