So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
