we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
