I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
