So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
