I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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