Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
