It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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