Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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