By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
