The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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