that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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