I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
