Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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