It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
