I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
