you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
