i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
