Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Randomize
