The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Shame - the story of my life.
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