Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
