Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
