This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
