another moral hangover. fuck.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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