My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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