dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize