ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
