I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I need to calm my uterus...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
