this just has baby written all over it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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