i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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