You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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