No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
