I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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