theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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