he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm like, not good at living.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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