I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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