i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
