I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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