3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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