I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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