Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
