I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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