her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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