Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
