I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
