if you like me you must not know who I am
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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