How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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