would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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