Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Congratulations! We have a period
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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