Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize