I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
