Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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