I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i dont even know how to be here
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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