so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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