maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
