2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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