So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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