I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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