Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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