I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
