So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
