He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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