There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
