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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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