No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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