They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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