Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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