Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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