I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im six kinds of drunk right now
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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