is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
