you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
