no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
