ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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