Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
