just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
