it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
