My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's blow job season.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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