I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
