There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
