I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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