Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We need a shit load of segways right now
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I know her cup size but not her name....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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