Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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